Believe me, I meant every word of it.
I also very much liked the response of my fellow educator and former classmate at De La Salle University, Dr. Maya Bernardo, who is now a professor at the University of Malaya. She said, “The good that we do, the lives we touch, each of them carries a part of us that will live on, whether they remember us for it or not. We can parent a better world and future for humanity by just living our mission.”
How true. Spoken like a true educator.
But allow me to elaborate a bit further my point.
As a general rule, we all love our parents. And for that matter, also our grandparents, and whomever else had a direct hand in raising us and taking care of us when we were young, such as uncles and aunts. :-) Particularly among us Filipinos, we explicitly manifest our love for our parents (and grandparents, etc.) by taking care of them especially when they are already old, when the table has turned and they are already the ones who need to be taken care of and we are already the ones who can provide the much needed care. This is why the concept and practice of children committing their elderly parents to retirement homes is virtually unheard of in Philippine society.
So, we love our parents (and grandparents, etc.) and we want to take care of them in their old age. However, the painful truth of the matter is that we normally only do so if we can. That is, we can only attend to the needs of our parents if we still have the resources in terms of time, energy, and money, after we have already spent much of it to meet the needs of our own spouse and children. That is, we normally have to prioritize taking care of the families we are raising, before we can attend to the needs of the families we originated from. It is a harsh and painful truth, indeed in some sense it is even shameful, but it is the truth, and it is almost what’s normal and natural. I mean, really, if for instance the income you generate is hardly even enough to meet the needs of your own children, then whether you like it or not, and no matter how much you love your parents, you simply will be unable to significantly help them anymore. There is simply nothing that you can do about it, and your parents themselves will understand it.
This I believe is one of the reasons that God created the state of life we refer to as “single-blessedness.” This is why He created the single and devoted sons or daughters who also double as the doting uncles or aunts. So that there would be someone to take care of Mom and Dad in their old age, and so that there would be an Uncle or Aunt who will lovingly lend a hand when times are hard.
It takes a village, to look after ageing Mom and Dad, and to raise the small and still growing kids. And God knows I do everything I can to play my role as faithfully as I can in this regard. I cannot spoil my Mom and my Nephews and Niece anymore than I already do, and if I were to describe how I spoil them I would have to write another and much longer article. The same goes for my late Grandmother. When she was still alive, I made it a point to always take her out to church and "pasyal" every Sunday, and whenever we ate out I always served her food and often even sliced them for her.
At any rate, if on the other hand you earn way more than just enough, if you are able to completely provide for your spouse and kids and still have plenty left to spare, then because you love your parents you will naturally also provide for them. In other words, if you don’t have anything left to give then even if your ageing parents ask for your support you will have nothing much to give, but if you have more than enough then your ageing parents won’t even have to ask – because after all you really do love them. It really is that simple.
Pertinently, without expecting to get anything ever in return, I do everything I can to help raise and support my Nephews and Niece, because I love them. I’m doing my best to help their Father (my elder brother) raise them well, with the hope that they will grow up to become very good in terms of character and competence, very successful as human beings and as professionals, capable of generating more than enough love and resources to provide for their own families.
Please note however that my elder Brother is a competent professional and a financially capable breadwinner, indeed he and his wife have built a three storey home where each of their children has his/her own air-conditioned bedroom and is provided with all of the necessities of life, quite comfortable by Filipino standards. But still, times are often hard and we need all the help we can get, you know what I mean. Therefore I, as the single childless uncle, am more than happy to often pitch in.
Love begets love. Consequently, sometimes, particularly during the month of June, apart from greeting their own Father (my elder brother) a “Happy Father’s Day,” my nephews and niece greet me, their second father, “Happy Father’s Day” too. Can you imagine? Music to my ears. :-)
On that note, I do hope and pray that when I am old, I will remain mentally sharp and physically independent, without needing help from anyone, without ever having to ask for it, especially not from my nephews and niece, because as much as possible I really wouldn’t want to bother them or anyone else. This is precisely why if you look at my Facebook profile and check out the list of people who inspire me, you will find there included Dr. Ellesworth E. Wareham and Dr. Rita Levi Maontalcini. Dr.Wareham is famous for being a practicing surgeon way into his 90s. Dr. Montalcini on the other hand is a Nobel Laureate who still delivers lectures also way into her 90s. I hope, aspire, and will strive to grow old just like the two doctors.
Indeed if I can have it my way I would like to always be the one to provide support (whether or not needed) to my nephews and niece and never the other way around, I would like to be able to dote on them until the day that I pass on, and even beyond. For instance, I plan to write books, hopefully the kind of books that will do many people a lot of good and earn a lot of income in the process, legacies that will last long after I pass on so that they will permanently generate not only income but also goodwill, for the benefit my heirs - my two nephews, Miguel and Luiz, and my unica hija of a niece, Mariz.
However, just in case, just in case I don’t turn out to be as durable as Wareham and Montalcini, I am hoping and praying that my nephews and niece will become very successful as persons and as professionals. Indeed right now I am doing everything that I can to help make sure that they do turn out that way. So that just in case in my old age I will be in need of some form of help, then hopefully the help would be offered, lovingly and willingly, without reservation and any sense of burden, and that I wouldn’t even have to ask.
But most important of all, I cling to the following promise: “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:6
Mommy with Iggy, Mariz, and Luiz, chatting with family abroad (the Cabana families in Australia and New Zealand). This is on Oct. 3, 2010, a Sunday. My kuya (Manny), his wife (Luz), and their kids (Iggy, Mariz, and Luiz) regularly visit every Sunday, to have lunch right after attending Holy Mass. This is in my bedroom, they are in fact at my desk, and the bed behind Iggy is my bed. The highlight of my week, the loves of my life, the joys of my life.
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